The state I'm in... A good one :)
I was looking at my past posts and I loved the first song I blogged about. So...alas (because I'm not terribly original) here's another one to seize the moment's thoughts.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Stream of consciousness
Promised myself I would write whatever thoughts came into my mind and post regardless of what it said. So, enjoy the randomness. And please, give it a try. It feels good.
In a rut. A rough patch. (awful term) A well.....a well. Friends are losing jobs because the economy sucks. Out of work for another 2 weeks prolly. I need to work soon. Too much time on one's hands makes Case a dull....er......intropective boy. So yes, economy...I hate you at this present time. Going through a very difficult breakup with someone I love immensely. When it rains it pours. Hard. Cancels plans. Waiting for the back to heal. Good progress so far. Very happy with that. Enjoying much wine of late. I had missed it. Not that I had ever ingested alot of it but nonetheless, missed it. Keeping busy and staying healthy and positive. I believe that it is through times such as these that we ALL become more amazing, more important in the grand scheme of things. I have faith in myself, my friends who have lost jobs, my past flame. We are all great people and I know we deserve and will enjoy amazing things. Been writing alot. I have found it helpful. Its a private thing that somehow purges one of their frustrations. Never knew it worked that way. I am learning everyday. Schooled. Friends in town this eve. Excited. Yea for awful grammar. Yarn. Pomegranite. Gay friendly bartenders in Tribeca playing sad music all night. ha. Yeah I'll end it there :)
In a rut. A rough patch. (awful term) A well.....a well. Friends are losing jobs because the economy sucks. Out of work for another 2 weeks prolly. I need to work soon. Too much time on one's hands makes Case a dull....er......intropective boy. So yes, economy...I hate you at this present time. Going through a very difficult breakup with someone I love immensely. When it rains it pours. Hard. Cancels plans. Waiting for the back to heal. Good progress so far. Very happy with that. Enjoying much wine of late. I had missed it. Not that I had ever ingested alot of it but nonetheless, missed it. Keeping busy and staying healthy and positive. I believe that it is through times such as these that we ALL become more amazing, more important in the grand scheme of things. I have faith in myself, my friends who have lost jobs, my past flame. We are all great people and I know we deserve and will enjoy amazing things. Been writing alot. I have found it helpful. Its a private thing that somehow purges one of their frustrations. Never knew it worked that way. I am learning everyday. Schooled. Friends in town this eve. Excited. Yea for awful grammar. Yarn. Pomegranite. Gay friendly bartenders in Tribeca playing sad music all night. ha. Yeah I'll end it there :)
Monday, February 9, 2009
Why not?
My awesome girlfriend says that blogging for her is a great outlet. I believe her. I'm not a terribly emotional person. I don't often emote (is that how you spell it?) But hey, I'll give it a very brief shot.
The past month has been really tough. It's odd how one thing can really derail ya before you know it. I really like my life most of the time. I have a great family, great girlfriend, great friends and am finally slipping ever so nicely into my job. I'm finally seeing some sort of fruit of my labor. (that sounds lame i know) All in all, life is swell.
I have a fucked up back. Thats pretty much the brunt of it. I've always had back problems but it has steadily progressed to the point it is now. I wont bore you with the details, because frankly Im sick of thinking about it, but I need to have surgery. No biggie. Really. I am pretty good with this notion. The past month or so my back has declined at a crazy rate, surprising the hell outta me. Wait lemme back track a bit.
I knew something was wrong with my back for awhile. I have had crazy pain down my entire left leg for the better part of six months. With nubness in my foot. But it was always fairly tolerable. It hurt, and I suppose in private i probably bitched about it a little but all in all I could get around, work, play, 'play', go out occassionally. All the things I took for granted. But the pain progressed. I finally got it diagnostically looked at with an xray and MRI in Dec. Showed some 'not so great findings' but I was managing jsut fine. I started physical therapy, which I had never done before. Within 3 or 4 weeks of starting it I knew I felt worse, but I still diligently did them everyday, multiple times a day. I never wanted to end up like those sorry saps that come into my ER screaming with pain in their backs. So i did my therapy. But as I mentioned it definitely got worse and I definitely took notice of it.
An amazing attending Dr in my ER noticed i was in pain and asked me what was up. I had been keeping it to myself for the most part at work for fear it would effect my employment. I told him what was going on and he slipped me a sheet of paper with a Dr's name on it. 'Go see my friend and tell him I sent you.' What is this the maffia docs? I reluctantly went. The Dr told me that perhaps down the line I may need back surgery to correct my issue but to go for pain management in the meantime to facilitate healing with the phys therapy. I went. I had my first steroid injection into my spine almost 4 weeks ago. No help. Just more sore. and it kept on getting worse. Fast. Now I should mention that I am very against personally taking narcotics myslef. I don't like the fuzzy feeling so I lived on my Advil cocktail most days.
About a week and a half ago i was in Oregon vistiting my family and I aggravated my back. Let me clarify, I woke up and literally could not move without an elctrical muscle spasm in my left leg. I had never felt such pain. I VERY reluctantly asked my brother to bring me to an urgent care to get pain meds. The ones I HATE taking.
After spending my vacation on the couch I flew home. Very uncomfortably. By the way on a side note, F U to the bitch who would not move to my row (which had no one else sitting in it and amazing leg room, just so I could lay down to relieve the pain. F U lady. Anywhooo. I get home and immediately make a 2nd appt for another steroid injection. Sometimes, when they work, it takes multiple visits. I went in. I was at this point in a lot of distress which my DR noticed immediately. He instanly told me that he was going to recommend surgery. GREAT!! Lets go. Where do I sign? But first the 2nd injection. I wont go into the details except to say I feel the past few months of emotions/pain came forth upon me while on the cold table I was laying on. It really caught me off guard. Not expected. Injection didnt help.
I have an appt with the surgeon this Wednesday morning thank God. I can't work. I cant walk to the deli without....well you know. Its infuriating. It makes me feel inadequate. Its a feeling I am not familiar with. Its tough to get around. But I made myself a promise. I was going to let it affect me as little as possible. But unfortunately it affects me alot. But I am remaining positive.
I will no longer take anyting for granted. Anything. Walking. Jeez that sounds ridiculous but its true. I am sorta proud at myself for how well I've held together the past couple weeks but the cabin fever is high. Soon I will see the doc and all will be well. I am very confident. I will remain positive. Thnak you to all those who have expressed concern. It is HUGELY appreciated.
Besides, there are 1000's if not millions of people who have things much worse.
So yeah there it is. Just thought I'd take a page from Knight and put down my thoughts on paper (screen). I dont do that alot if ever. It feels good. I feel good. I feel better. Thanks hun. xoxxx mwah!
Oh and the surgery has a 96-98% success rate. SWEET!!!!
The past month has been really tough. It's odd how one thing can really derail ya before you know it. I really like my life most of the time. I have a great family, great girlfriend, great friends and am finally slipping ever so nicely into my job. I'm finally seeing some sort of fruit of my labor. (that sounds lame i know) All in all, life is swell.
I have a fucked up back. Thats pretty much the brunt of it. I've always had back problems but it has steadily progressed to the point it is now. I wont bore you with the details, because frankly Im sick of thinking about it, but I need to have surgery. No biggie. Really. I am pretty good with this notion. The past month or so my back has declined at a crazy rate, surprising the hell outta me. Wait lemme back track a bit.
I knew something was wrong with my back for awhile. I have had crazy pain down my entire left leg for the better part of six months. With nubness in my foot. But it was always fairly tolerable. It hurt, and I suppose in private i probably bitched about it a little but all in all I could get around, work, play, 'play', go out occassionally. All the things I took for granted. But the pain progressed. I finally got it diagnostically looked at with an xray and MRI in Dec. Showed some 'not so great findings' but I was managing jsut fine. I started physical therapy, which I had never done before. Within 3 or 4 weeks of starting it I knew I felt worse, but I still diligently did them everyday, multiple times a day. I never wanted to end up like those sorry saps that come into my ER screaming with pain in their backs. So i did my therapy. But as I mentioned it definitely got worse and I definitely took notice of it.
An amazing attending Dr in my ER noticed i was in pain and asked me what was up. I had been keeping it to myself for the most part at work for fear it would effect my employment. I told him what was going on and he slipped me a sheet of paper with a Dr's name on it. 'Go see my friend and tell him I sent you.' What is this the maffia docs? I reluctantly went. The Dr told me that perhaps down the line I may need back surgery to correct my issue but to go for pain management in the meantime to facilitate healing with the phys therapy. I went. I had my first steroid injection into my spine almost 4 weeks ago. No help. Just more sore. and it kept on getting worse. Fast. Now I should mention that I am very against personally taking narcotics myslef. I don't like the fuzzy feeling so I lived on my Advil cocktail most days.
About a week and a half ago i was in Oregon vistiting my family and I aggravated my back. Let me clarify, I woke up and literally could not move without an elctrical muscle spasm in my left leg. I had never felt such pain. I VERY reluctantly asked my brother to bring me to an urgent care to get pain meds. The ones I HATE taking.
After spending my vacation on the couch I flew home. Very uncomfortably. By the way on a side note, F U to the bitch who would not move to my row (which had no one else sitting in it and amazing leg room, just so I could lay down to relieve the pain. F U lady. Anywhooo. I get home and immediately make a 2nd appt for another steroid injection. Sometimes, when they work, it takes multiple visits. I went in. I was at this point in a lot of distress which my DR noticed immediately. He instanly told me that he was going to recommend surgery. GREAT!! Lets go. Where do I sign? But first the 2nd injection. I wont go into the details except to say I feel the past few months of emotions/pain came forth upon me while on the cold table I was laying on. It really caught me off guard. Not expected. Injection didnt help.
I have an appt with the surgeon this Wednesday morning thank God. I can't work. I cant walk to the deli without....well you know. Its infuriating. It makes me feel inadequate. Its a feeling I am not familiar with. Its tough to get around. But I made myself a promise. I was going to let it affect me as little as possible. But unfortunately it affects me alot. But I am remaining positive.
I will no longer take anyting for granted. Anything. Walking. Jeez that sounds ridiculous but its true. I am sorta proud at myself for how well I've held together the past couple weeks but the cabin fever is high. Soon I will see the doc and all will be well. I am very confident. I will remain positive. Thnak you to all those who have expressed concern. It is HUGELY appreciated.
Besides, there are 1000's if not millions of people who have things much worse.
So yeah there it is. Just thought I'd take a page from Knight and put down my thoughts on paper (screen). I dont do that alot if ever. It feels good. I feel good. I feel better. Thanks hun. xoxxx mwah!
Oh and the surgery has a 96-98% success rate. SWEET!!!!
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